yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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