they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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