I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
