My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
