Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I love how my cats smell like pot.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
