I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
