Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
