What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
