Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
