You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
