Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
