I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
