is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
