but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
