The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
