I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
