I can text with my tongue
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
