The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
