I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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