my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
