sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
