He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
