If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
