Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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