I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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