Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
