I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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