remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I AM VODKA MAN
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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