Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
