watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
