She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
