don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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