it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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