Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
