apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
