i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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