Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
