If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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