saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
