just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
