hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
