I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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