theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
