omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
