ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
