I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
