it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
