I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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