im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
