im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My life is pants optional.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
