do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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