your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
