Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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