He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
