Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
