i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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